Tea Ceremony Complete Guide (2025 Super Detailed)
There are many details to the Tea Ceremony that can be confusing (and not addressed any where else). In this guide, I’ve put EVERYTHING together in a way that preserves as much of the traditional values as possible while considering our modern way of life in Singapore.
That is not to say this is the absolute right way to do it, but from my experience hosting over 200 weddings (and asking plenty of hotel aunties along the way), it’s a version that most Singaporean families will find acceptable.
Feedback & Questions? DM me @emceecheng_botakkai on Instagram, and I’ll try my best to answer!
Disclaimer: There are many ways to do the tea ceremony, and different people have different impassioned opinions on the right way to do them that are all valid. My general advice is to ask your parents or elders on what you should do, and just follow them, else use this guide. This guide is based on the conventions that I see, therefore I will not be able to take responsibility if anything goes wrong. All the best!
Our Objective
In practical terms, most of you here are looking to not do the wrong thing and offend your elders. This guide will do that.
But start with this thought: The Tea Ceremony is your expression of respect and gratitude to your elders. By serving tea, you acknowledge and thanks the people that helped raise you. This should always be your guiding principle, and your intention.
Preparation - Items
· List of relatives in the order they are drinking - Get the Google sheet here. This order is intentionally extensive. Just remove those relatives that are not applicable, and add in where needed
· Red Date Longan Tea - Hotels and some restaurants will be able to prepare this for you. If not, you can head to Hock Hua Tonic and get pre-mixed Red Date Longan tea bags @ $10 for a big pack, or the loose ingredients and brew them youself
· Disposable tea cups - Hotels and some restaurants will be able to prepare this for you. If not, available on Shopee. We find these are more hygienic and more efficient than washing cups over and over
· (Optional) Chinese Tea set - For serving the tea and for the vibes! Some venues have this too
· (Optional) Angbaos for junior relatives - needed only if you want your juniors to serve you tea
Preparation - Manpower
You need to assign friends/ relatives to do these:
· 1 Person (Emcee) to announce for the people to come and drink
· 1 Person to prepare tea and hand it to you (if you’re in a hotel, this can be the hotel auntie)
· 1 Person hold on to angbaos given to you
What to Wear?
Traditionally people wear a kua, you can rent/ make one. These days it’s also acceptable to be in your wedding gown (bride) and wedding suit (groom).
When/ Where to hold the Tea Ceremony
Usually on the actual day of the wedding. The common times are:
-After bringing the bride to the groom’s house - at groom’s house, relatives that are present
-After bride returns to bride’s home - at bride’s home for relatives that are present
-1-2 hours before your wedding banquet - at wedding venue, all other relatives, can have it here
-Banquet itself - Less common but if some relatives arrive later, it’s also fine to do it during the banquet. This can be in the banquet hall itself, or in a separate room. Just find a quiet 5-10 min to do it. Not the most common, but still acceptable
-Other days - If even that’s not possible, I’ve seen couples have the tea ceremony on days after the wedding where they go down to the relatives place and serve them tea there
Kneel or stand?
This can be a touchy subject. If there’s one thing you should check with your parents/ elders, it’s this one.
Kneeling is traditionally how it’s done because it expresses the deepest respect and gratitude. These days from my observation, more people are okay with you just standing and bowing. Sometimes it’s the elders that feel kneeling is too formal, too old-fashioned, or uncomfortable for the couple (especially in gowns).
For Parents/ Grandparents:
If you’re unsure, a good middle ground is to kneel only for your parents and grandparents, as a sign of filial piety. They tend to have the greatest role in raising you, and it’s fitting to show them a deeper measure of gratitude.
If you are going to kneel,
· You can request for a pillow to kneel on for comfort, and looks a bit better.
· You should not rest your butt on the lower part of your legs/feet. You should be vertical from the knee onwards.
Other Seniors
These days, the convention seems to be to stand for extended family members. I think for general Singaporeans, it can be quite weird to kneel to your extended relatives if you’re not even that close to them, so I feel standing is acceptable. I would also say if there’s a certain relative that you are particularly grateful for (e.g. they brought you up), you might consider kneeling for them. Some more traditional families still kneel for extended family members.
Juniors:
They will be offering tea to you (you will be seated on the chairs). So it comes down to your comfort level. These days most of couples are ok with the juniors standing.
Where to Stand/ Sit
Generally the men should always be on their own left, women on their own right. 男左女右 an easy way to remember this is the wife is always right.
That applies to the Bride & Groom too. So in general, here’s a top-down view of where each person should stand/ sit, before offering tea.
If only 1 person is drinking, they can sit on the chair on their left. It’s nice to remove the other chair if possible (so it’s not so obvious that there’s an empty seat). But most people don’t seem to mind if you leave it there.
What to Say
When serving tea, you will address them by their title and say “请喝茶” e.g. “爸爸请喝茶” in Chinese or their dialect
If usually you address your father with something else like “daddy” or “father”, I think this is starting to be acceptable these days if your family is chill.
If your family is more English leaning, they can be okay with saying “Father, please drink tea” or “Father, please have some tea”
Again, it comes down to your own family’s standards.
What to Actually Do
Ensure all preparation is done
Emcee will get all relatives involved into the room and announce that we are starting.
Emcee will invite relatives that are drinking in the order that you have worked out
Parents and Grandparents
For them, I recommend serving 4 cups in total (Each parent will drink 2 cups). I feel this is more sincere and personal. Some families don’t do this, they just use the next section below for parents as well. It’s also fine.
· Emcee to invite parents/ grand parents
· Parents/ grand parents to be seated
· Groom serve tea to father (should be diagonally in front of you)
· Father to hold on to cup, don’t drink yet
· Bride serve to mother (should be diagonally in front of you)
· Both dad and mom drink (drinking together looks better for the cameras. The Emcee needs to instruct on this, if not many people will forget and just drink one after another. But this is a small detail. Ok If missed)
· Bride & groom retrieve the empty cups from parents (just reach out diagonally 1-by-1 to the relative you passed the cups to) and pass to waitress
· Groom serve to mother (should be directly in front of you)
· Mother to hold on to cup, don’t drink yet
· Bride serve to father (should be directly in front of you)
· Both dad and mom drink together again (yes it’s their 2nd cup)
· Bride & groom retrieve empty cups from parents (just reach out to the relative you passed the cups to) and pass cups to the waitress
· They both give you ang baos and blessings
· Receive the ang baos, thank them for the blessings
· Invite next person
All other senior relatives
We will serve 2 cups total, in this way
· Emcee to invite relatives
· Relatives to be seated
· Bride and groom hold 1 cup together (with all 4 hands) and serve the male relative
· Male to hold on to tea, don’t drink yet
· Bride and groom hold 1 cup together (with all 4 hands) and serve the female relative
· Both of them drink the tea (drinking together looks better for the cameras. The Emcee needs to instruct on this, if not many people will forget and just drink one after another. But this is a small detail. Ok If missed)
· Bride & groom retrieve empty cups from relatives (just reach out to the relative directly in front of you once they are done) and pass cups to the waitress
· They both give you ang baos and blessings
· Say thank you, invite next relative, repeat from top
Junior relatives without spouse
This part is optional. Many families skip this part altogether and just call it a day after seniors are served.
This is where we play the UNO reverse card. Now, the Bride and Groom will be seated on the chairs, and juniors will come up to offer tea to the Bride and groom (refer to the Google sheet for the order they do this in)
· Junior offers to groom (they will address you by your title and add “请喝茶”)
· Junior offers to bride
· Bride & groom both drink
· Bride & groom pass empty cups back to junior 1-by-1
· Junior passes empty cups to waitress
· Bride/ Groom to give ang bao & blessings (e.g. 学业进步) to junior
· Invite next junior, repeat from top
Junior relatives (with spouse)
For junior relatives who have a spouse, this is how they will offer you tea.
· Junior and spouse both hold 1 cup (with 4 hands), offer tea to groom (they will address you by your title and add “请喝茶”)
· Junior and spouse both hold 1 cup (with 4 hands), offer tea to bride
· Bride & groom both drink
· Bride & groom pass empty cups back to juniors
· Juniors pass empty cups to waitress
· Bride/ Groom to give ang baos to each junior & blessings (e.g. 学业进步) to each junior
· Invite next junior, repeat from top
That’s it! You did it!
Still confused? Stressed? Engage Emcee Cheng for your Tea Ceremony and your Wedding Banquet - I’ll take care of all the details, and make your wedding romantic, fun, and filled with wonderful memories. Instead of dealing with all these details, you can relax and have a stress-free wedding! Don’t take my word for it. Watch the video showreel!
